This is Life

She was standing behind the tree when she heard somebody’s whispering, she recognized the voices and it was Puan Timah and Kak Bedah. They were talking about Miss Linda who has just moved to their kampong few weeks ago.

“I don’t think that she has married but she carries a baby with her, where’s her husband? What did she do to earn money for the baby? And why she lived in Mak Aji’s house? Are they relatives? 

“Maybe she is Mak Ajie’s relative, just look at their face. Don’t you notice that they look alike, is she her sister? We better go and investigate this matter. How come she suddenly was here, carrying a baby and yet we know nothing about this

Siti was in shocked, how come these aunties can talk about her cousin in that way? She really gets irritated with Kak Bedah and Puan Timah, now she knows that all these while they are the “radio buruk” at their village, spreading gossips about other people. She was thinking that she has to face them to clear all the mess been brought by the two gossipmongers in her village. Slowly she approached the two late 4o’s women who were wearing batik and sarong. 

“Kak Bedah, Puan Timah..why did you say something bad about my cousin?”

Siti appeared in the middle of conversation, interrupting their gossips about her cousin. Both of them were startled and shocked, however a few minutes later, they smiles cynically to her. Siti was annoying and feels like kicking her in the stomach, these two aunties have gone too far. 

“There she go, her protector is here. What la, your cousin has no manners at all. Suddenly she was here, carries a child with her. Where is her husband? Whose baby is that if it’s not hers? Don’t lie to us, shame on you la. Pity you girl, go back to your school, and don’t interfere with elderly matters. 

“Aunties, you should bother about your family, your daughter, and your sons as well. Do they really go to school? Are they as good as what you think? Stop talking bad about my cousin; she is much better than you and your family. And the baby is legal!”

Siti raised up her voice to show her unsatisfactory towards them. 

“How’d we know that? Do you have proof? Everybody’s talking about her, not us alone. Don’t try to cheat us; out of sudden she came in as your cousin. All this while, we never heard of her. Rude girl like you went to university then talk rudely to elderly; this is what you learnt in university? Huh! Thank God my daughter rejected university’s offer, if not she’ll end up be like you. Let’s go Bedah! No use talking to her, she knows nothing about life even about her own family. 

Siti still haven’t finished talking, both Puan Timah and Kak Bedah leave her there. She’s standing there with anger and frustration. Why everybody is talking about Kak Zila? She is nice according to mother, she is my distant cousin. And I am happy with her, she’s kind and soft hearted person.

“Mak, Zila apologize to you. I’ve abandoned you all this while; I’ve repented over my sins. I know I should not leave you after father had died but I just want to work and help you. I thought Karim is a responsible man, he leave me right after I told him I was pregnant. I’m so sorry Mak, I never mean to hurt you. I am a sinful daughter”

Zila’s holding Mak Jah’s hand, crying badly over her past. She feels bad because her mother has to hide her past to her sister, Siti. If Siti knows she must be upset with her, she does not want Siti to be like her. She is proud of Siti, her sister is an excellent student in her university. Mak Jah wiped her tears; she had lied to Siti because she does not want her to get angry at her sister. No matter what Zila had done to her family, she is still a daughter to her. 

“Mak had apologized you, but Siti should not know about this. She might be frustrated and ashamed. She is easily got distracted, don’t let her know this. For how long I am not sure, but let time decides. I’ve had enough crying, but thank to God you finally knows your fault. Mak is always a Mak to you, let bygones be bygones. What is important now, you’ve changed and you are here with mak.”

Zila hugs her mother in tears, she is a mother to her, and a mother who accepts her more than anyone else did. She knows her fault but she had promised to herself that she will never make her mother crying again. She promised that will never ever happen again. Siti are about to enter her mother’s room, wants to ask her permissions to Genting Highlands with friends listens to Kak Zila’s and mother’s conversations. Kak Zila is her sister?? She was about to faint, why she doesn’t know about that? All this while she thought she is the only daughter in her family, why did her mother hide the truth from her? She steps backward, her heart beats as if she just bumped into ghost. She walks towards her room, tears rolling down. She sits on her bed, crying under her pillow. Why does she have to face all these? Kak Bedah and Puan Timah are correct about this and I was backing up a sinful sister, she is my sister and I did know that. Siti cried over and over until she fall asleep.

The next morning, Siti and Kak Zila were in the kitchen preparing breakfast. Today Kak Zila made ‘nasi lemak ayam’ and her smells is so tempting. However Siti can’t eat that, she feels disgusting with her own sister after she knew the truth last night. She acts normal, and when she see her mother came in and sit at the table. She knows that is the right time for her to talk to her mother. 

“Mak, today I am going to Genting Highland with my friends. I hope you don’t mind, I’ll be back after three days. It’s a birthday celebration, Nina’s birthday.

“Why so far you want to celebrate birthday? How many of you will go? 

“Six of us, just for fun and besides this are our final year. So we wants to be together for the last time”

“Hmm alright, make sure you know how to take care about yourself. Don’t forget to pray, be like Kak Zila”

Mak Jah smiles at her, Kak Zila only smiles and Siti thinks that was the fake smile she had ever seen. Suddenly she feels disgusted and annoyed looking at Kak Zila. 

“Okay, will remember that,” she stops walking when her mother ask,

“Why you didn’t eat your breakfast? Kak Zila had cooked for us today, 

“I am not hungry, I want to prepare my stuff and all. Mak eat first, when I finish, I will come,” 

Siti walks away, tonight will be the night. She will enjoy her days with her friends.

************************************

“Why you look so sad Ti? Do you have any problem?”

 Siti looks at Amina, her girl friend is very concern about her and she can detected her conditions. Her tear drops, she’s crying like she’s having a great pain inside her heart. Amina, Rashidi, Ain, Khairul, and Azlan approaches her, she started to reveal everything. She feels hurt everytime when she mentioned Kak Zila’s name, her real sister. 

“It’s okay, tonight we will cherish you. No worries, you will forget about everything about tonight. Smiles, okay? 

Siti nodded her head, she feels relieved now. They are now walking towards their hotel to check in, Amina and Rashidi were out of nowhere, Ain and Khairul was talking to each other, are they both in a relationship now? Azlan was busy helping her carrying her luggage, he’s quite handsome in his sporty jeans and jacket. Amina approached her from behind, talking to the receptionist.

“3 rooms booked under Nur Amina Rahim,please.” Siti look at her in confusion

“Why three room Min? Two should be enough, one for girl and one for boys. Please save money, or we might end up with no money at all

. Amina smiles and Rashidi glances at Amina, Siti does not want to give a damn about them because she know that they are just in a serious relationship. 

“My father have paid for us, it is okay. Let’s go,” 

Siti just let her friends organize everything, after knowing the truth about Kak Zila, she does not wants to think about anything anymore. She just wants to relax her mind at Genting Highland. Amina approaches her with key inside her palm, she grab it and straightly went to her room. Ouhh am I going to sleep alone? That’s great, I can do whatever I want to do in my room. She smiles. 

After finished her shower, she put on her pink night gown and look at herself in the mirror. She’s quite beautiful compared to her Kak Zila, fair skin and straight hair cut. She smiles to herself, I am much better than her. Knocking from the door disturbs her imagination, she approaches the door, Ain and Amina was ready to go out. 

Heyy, why you haven’t dress up? We are going out now!” Five of them were looking at her and her night gown. 

I don’t feel likes going out, you guys first and later I’ll contact when I feel much better. 

“Hmm it is not fun when you are not around, it is okay. You rest first, then later on please call me okay? Bye!”

 

All of them waving hand at her, she closed the door and started to lie on the bed. Thinking about Kak Zila and her mother, how could they lie to her? She falls asleep, she’s awake 2 hours later feeling that somebody is inside her room. She opened her eyes, notice a man figure in her room? Azlan?

“What are you doing here? How you enter my room?

 She rubbed her eyes, thank God she’s in a good condition. Azlan smiles.

“I knocked your door, no answer. I worried If you did something stupid, so I asked the receptionist to give me spare key. I bring you food, you might be hungry. We can eat together” 

Siti looks at the table, she saw plastics of foods and it smells Nasi Goreng Ayam, her favourite dish. Her stomach suddenly feels hungry, now she remembers she ate nothing since morning. 

“Thank you, let me wash my face first. Then we eat together”. 

While eating they talks about themselves, family, studies, hobbies etc. actually she just know about him today, they are not too close. Azlan finished his last foods, helping Siti washing glasses and spoons. When he approaches her at the sinks, he was amazed at her shape. She’s beautiful; Siti ignores his staring and finished with her cleaning. Azlan standing at the door looking at her, she feels ashamed. Her body touched Azlan when she’s trying to get out of the bathroom. She feels trembling, her heart beat faster. She straightly went to her bed, switch on the TV. 

“I guess I am full, thanks for the food. You may do your work, I am okay now” 

She smiles at Azlan, well Azlan pick up his phone and jacket ready to go out. He went to Siti who is sitting at the corner of the bed. Siti feels nervous, Azlan is near to her. He smells good, and she can’t reject when Azlan holds her cheek and hand. She feels his hand cold,as cold as  ice. 

“Anything, call me. I’ll be around”

 He squeezed her hand gently. He kissed her hands, and Siti feels she is on top of the world. When Azlan wants to walk away, she stopped him, holding his hand and Azlan turned back to her. She whisper to him, delicately and full with emotions. 

“Please stay here, I need somebody”.

 

Siti gazes romantically; Azlan lifts her to bed as he also needs her. And that how it started to happen to Siti and Azlan, Siti does not want to bother about what her mother might say to her later on. She knows it was her first time and she enjoys it very much.

QUEEN OF MY HEART

she woke up early morning
she thought she was early but
her mother is more earlier than her
she looks at her face
she's preparing her breakfast
to school

looking at Mama, her tears dropped, 
her face full with tiredness, 
she could sleep well at night,
mother was busy chasing the mosquitos
she could wear new clothes
mother was busy working
she could eat chicken once in a while
mother was busy sewing clothes

she stepped to the table
as usual, plain rice with egg on the table
that should be enough for her
with some ketchup and vegetables
she feels happy 
happy because she can eat Mama's food everyday

she screamed for her socks
she screamed for her books
she screams for her water bottle
she screams for her bicycle
mother will walks faster to her
handing them all, complete!
with advice "study hard, we are not rich"

and she stops her bicycle there
looking at her at the door
she's quite old now
she's smiling at her
she looks thinner than before
is she works that hard?

yes! she worked hard for six of us
she's with us up and down
she's rarely sleep for us
she's rarely eat for us
she's rarely rest for us

Mama, i'm here now
in university that you always wish
your sons had repaid your hardship
your daughters are about to do so
we feel proud of ourselves mama
i feel proud to be your daughter
i am proud to have you as my Mama

Mama, please get well soon
we miss to hear your blabbering
we miss your cooks
we miss your stories
and we miss your voice reading al Quran
and we miss to pray with you together
when you still can stand and walk like us

I LOVE YOU MAMA :'( 

The Silent Whisper by Maclean Patrick

The heat woke him up. It was 3 in the morning, not a good time to wake up for it will take him close to forever to go back to sleep n this heat, it was better he stayed awake until dawn. But staying awake was not something he looked forward to.

Sitting up, he looked out the window. The city lights glowed in the horizon. There was still life at this hour, still people going about their business within the graveyard hour.

Midnight did not scare him. But 3am did.

It was the hour the Whispers came out. And as he wiped the sweat from his brow, he heard a whisper.

“Awake. You’re awake.”

He cup his  hands over his ears. Closed his eyes and asked the heavens to spare him from the pain of entertaining this unwelcome visitor.

“No point hiding. You can hear me,” she said, her breath; cold against the back of his ear. “Do you have an answer for me?”

He bent over, head touching his knees as he sat; rocking slowly on his mattress.

“Go away,” he managed a weak protest.

“What is your answer?”

“Go away.”

“Answer me..”

“Go away.”

“You PROMISED me an answer tonight,” her chilly lips hovering closely over his fore-head.

She was bolder now. Invading what little private space he had left in his personal bubble. More demanding, more forceful in her request and she was not one to take “No” for an answer. Yet, tonight he had, had enough.

“No,” he finally spoke up.

“What?”

“No,” he lowered his trembling hands, his eyes still close. “My answer is no.”

“Don’t you want release?”

“Yes, but not like this.”

“Just take my offer.”

He shook his head from side to side as his rocking continued. He could feel her, just in front of him, watching him move, waiting for his reply.

“Yes, I am hurting. And everyday is another day of heart-ache and misery. And I’m barely coping from breath to breath. But dum spiro, spero. I’m still breathing, I’m still hoping. If you take me, it will not be like this. I’ll let destiny take me, fate set the clock. Sorry, but you just have to wait.”

There was a silent whisper. A word spoken yet unheard. He felt her breath as she mouthed a phrase that went pass him and then she was no more. Gone into the night and he knew he was alone, again, in the room.

He cried.

It was 3am, the darkest time of the night and the silent form was returning empty-handed. Her colleagues had more luck. Returning with the Damned. Returning with those whom had replied, “Yes.” They lifted the wretched souls like ragged dolls, jeering at her for she had nothing in hand. She snarled back at them, “I’ll have him. It’s just a matter of time. He’ll break and I’ll bring him back with me. Death always wins in the end.”